


Moving Forward

by LAG0802



Category: NCIS
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2015-09-26
Packaged: 2018-04-23 11:55:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4875895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LAG0802/pseuds/LAG0802
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spoiler Alert to Stop the Bleeding, Gibbs is angry, his relationship with Tony is fractured, what happens Tony finally confronts Gibbs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Moving Forward

Author Note: Glad to have a new season to write about. Spoiler Alert if you have not seen “Stop the Bleeding” S13E1.

As always I do not own any of these characters, I just take them out to play once in a while because it is so much fun. The only thing I earn from writing is the joy of putting words on paper.

A big thank-you to my wife for proof reading, but I accept full responsibility for any errors that may have slipped by.

This is a Tibbs story so if not your thing, please stop here. 

 

Moving Forward

 

Gibbs sat in his basement, never feeling so old, his leg hurt as the replaced knee continued to heal. His chest hurt where the bullet fragments had been removed and his lung and chest repaired. Tiny pieces of metal would remain in him till the end of his days. 

He was so angry, he tried to control it but it was just waiting to be released and when it was, he knew someone would get hurt.

He was angry at letting himself get too emotionally involved with a teenage boy, letting him get close enough to hurt him not only physically but emotionally. Having served in the Gulf war he knew that children could be used as weapons but this was an American kid, it should not have happened here.

He was angry that his gut had failed him, he now questioned if he would ever fully trust himself to do his job, for too long he had relied on instinct and his gut; in the face of contrary facts his gut had usually taken him in a direction that had solved cases and saved lives.

He was angry that Vance and his team had keep information from him, tried to protect him. It was his job to protect his team. Did they think he would not be able to do his job, did they think he was now old and weak. Yes, he would soon have to retire, you didn’t get to do this job in old age and he knew he was close, but he lived his life on his own terms and this was not how he envisioned he would go, fading slowly, pushed out.

He was angry with Tony, angry that Tony had been the one to take down Daniel Budd and The Calling, he should have been given a chance. He should be proud of his 2IC, Tony had taken control of the team, followed the leads and had taken out Budd, but all Gibbs could see was Tony stepping into his job. Tony had grown and matured, he was a smart, capable agent, had an uncanny skill for finding obscure information and making connections other missed. Tim had learned the skills needed to be a good investigator; Tony was born with them. His anger at Tony was not rational, he did not have a good reason to feel this way, but Tony had always been an easy target, loyal to a fault, he seemed to take what ever Gibbs dished out and kept coming back. Once years ago, Gibbs recalled a conversation he had with Ducky about why Tony seemed to thrive with abuse and it was disturbing to think that a childhood of neglect had left Tony accepting of the worst type of attention. 

Grabbing the empty mason jar he had been using as glass as he drank more bourbon then he should, he turned and threw it towards the stairs with all his strength. Only after the jar was airborne did he notice the tall figure standing still at the bottom of the stairs, so deep in his own anger, he had not heard the footsteps.

With a move honed from years of playing sports, Tony was able to shift his position to avoid the projectile that he found coming his way as he stepped off the last step. The glass shattered as it impacted the wall behind him and he could not avoid the shower of glass. 

He had noted Gibbs was lost in his own mind as he descended the stairs and had not previously noticed him, while the sudden move and flying object had taken him by surprise, he knew he was not the intended target, though he could see the seething anger under the look of concern Gibbs gave him.

“What are you doing here DiNozzo?” Gibbs grunted out, not asking if the younger man was ok after a shower of broken glass.

“We need to talk,” Tony repeated what he had said earlier in the bullpen; not backing down he took a step forward. 

“Nothing to say.”

“Boss, not sure how this will work between us if we can’t talk it out. I know you’re angry and you have a right to be but we need a fresh start.”

“Leave,” with a voice filled with anger.

“Not going to happen Boss, either we work this out now or it will destroy us, destroy the team.”

“Nothing to workout.”

“You are the most stubborn man I have ever met,” Tony said, trying hard to control his own anger. “What the hell did you want me to do, sit back and wait for you to come back, let Budd get away with killing Dorney, almost killing you and continue to recruit innocent kids. Gibbs the world can’t wait for you, sometimes, sometimes you have to trust that others can do the job,” now yelling, “That I Can do the Job!”

Gibbs remained silent; he just continued to glare at Tony, wishing him to just leave before they said too much. Gibbs had not wanted to talk because he really did not know what to say, he knew what he felt but he was not ready to hash it out.

Watching the subtle expressions play out on Gibbs face, Tony continues, “That’s it isn’t it, you really didn’t think I could do the that job, is that why you’ve been partnering with McGee, leaving him in charge and making me feel like a probie rather then your 2IC. Does it bother you that you didn’t get a say in this, that Vance assigned me to work with Teague. Do you have any idea how hard it was to stay in Iraq and follow The Callings trail all over the Middle East and Shanghai? I wanted to be here with you, I wanted to help you recover but I did my job and what the hell do I get for it, not that I expected that you would ever say ‘Thank-you or Good Job Tony’. No, I come back to find one very pissed off Boss and as always it’s my fault.” 

Leaning over where Gibbs remained seated Tony blocked his boss in with his long arms, one hand on the counter and one hand on the back of the chair. Lowering his voice Tony continued in that dangerous tone, so rarely heard. “Things change now Boss or I walk, I am done playing the clown, taking the hits for the team, if you can’t trust and respect me after 15 years of working together, then I’m done.“

Neither man said a word, staying frozen in position, staring at the top of his work table, Gibbs noticed a spot that looked like blood, as the seconds passed he noted that tiny drops continued to enlarge the spot, glancing up at Tony he was shocked to see the blood running down the younger man’s neck, soaking the collar, and as he leaned over blood, dripping on to the table top. 

“Shit DiNozzo, your bleeding.”

Pulling back, Tony touched his hands to his neck and pulled away blood-coated fingers.

The sight of Tony bleeding because of his actions pulled Gibbs out of his funk. “Come on, lets go upstairs and get you cleaned up, before you bleed all over my basement.”

 

Sitting in the at the kitchen table, Gibbs stood behind Tony and carefully pulled out several shards of glass, Tony had been cut in several places and Gibbs was worried more glass was imbedded under the skin. 

“I should call Ducky,” Gibbs said as he carefully parted Tony’s hair looking for glass.  
When had Tony’s hair start to thin, Gibbs remembered that thick head of dark hair, of the young Baltimore Detective he had recruited. Noting the color was lighter then when they had first met, Gibbs saw the signs of gray. “Tony do you color your hair?”

“No, why, why did you ask that?” 

“Might have noticed a few gray hairs and I seem to remember your hair was so much darker when we first met.”

“Now you remember the color of my hair?”

Smiling, Gibbs said, “Yeah I remember Tony, I remember.” It felt good for a moment to share a laugh. Gibbs could not remember the last time he and Tony had just relaxed around each other. 

“Your not the only one who is getting older boss, by the way I like the new hair cut, looks good like this, though it is kind of Santa gray now.”

“Your pushing it now Tony, with what I saw I don’t think you would be so far behind if not for a bottle of Grecian Formula for Men.”

“ Think I would use something a little better than that but it was hard to keep up with it with all the running we did. So do you think we can talk now? Boss, I know we can’t go back to the way it was when we were a two man team or when Kate was with us, but how did we get this far apart.”

Inhaling deeply Gibbs finished cleaning the cuts on the back of Tony’s neck and head, only the one on the on neck required a bandage. 

“Should have Ducky look at that later.” Gibbs said turning to fill his coffee cup and coming to sit across from Tony, for several minutes neither man spoke.

Without looking up at Tony, Gibbs started to speak softly the words and feelings he held in for so long. “I’m scared Tony, I look in the mirror and I see an old man, used to think I had forever but suddenly life is finite, we both knew the day will come when I have to step down but I’m not sure I’m ready, part of me wishes I had died, going out doing my job, not limping along as a decrepit old man. When I was in surgery I had a vision of Kelly and Shannon, I think Kelly was telling me to live for the future not the past, that I had let myself block out anyone who would get close, and I have Tony, I think that is why I pushed you away, you got through my defenses somehow and I couldn’t deal with that,” looking in to the green eyes before him he continued, “You were a magnet for trouble, always getting hurt, pushing to the limit with little regard for your safety, and I couldn’t handle losing you too, after all I had lost, I slammed that door in your face and pushed you away. Know why I started partnering with Tim?”

“No, but it hurt to be shut out.”

“I really wasn’t thinking about how this impacted you, I figured you would just move on eventually but you hung in there. I took Tim not because you trained him well and he has become a great agent, but Tim is more cautious by nature, he doesn’t take unnecessary chances and as much as I care for him, he has never breeched my walls the way you had.” 

Placing his elbows on the table, Gibbs leaned forward holding his head in his hands while he rubbed his forehead, what was wrong with him, he had said too much, he just wanted Tony to leave, to shut him out but when he saw the blood dripping on the work table and running down Tony’s neck, the anger he felt at that moment faded, he saw the pain and concern in Tony’s eyes, both Kelly and Dr. Taft had pointed out that he had people around him that cared, that he was not alone.

He was frozen in time when Shannon and Kelly died, going through the motions of living, his job had become everything, as a workaholic he had an excuse for not having a personal life, four failed marriages, but now his time as a field agent was limited, he was getting close to the finish line. He had been alone in so many ways for so long he did not know how not to be alone. 

Feeling a hand on his arm, he noticed that Tony had reached out and was holding on to his forearm. He could feel the strength and warm in that touch. 

“I’m not going anywhere, Boss, Jethro,” Tony said. “I had my chance to leave many times over the years, and there is no place I want to be but at your side. It would be nice to be treated with a little more respect, to feel as if you appreciated what I bring to the team but I’m not going anywhere and if you let me I want to be your friend again, I think we had that once and we can find that again.”

Taking a deep breath, Tony continued this was the most honest conversation they had in years and he did not want to ruin the moment but he had so much he wanted to say, “Jethro, I think I understand, you and I are not so different in many ways, or so Ducky has always told me, we both buried ourselves in our work, we both hid behind the fortress walls we have built, I use humor and my over grown frat boy persona to keep people away, people only see what they want to see and few take the time to look deeper, you hide behind that gruff exterior and everyone is too scared to look deeper, but its not working for either of us anymore, its lonely behind these walls . You told me once I would not find what I was looking for in your basement but what I have wanted all these years has been in your basement.” 

Pausing as he gathered his thoughts and stared in to the intense blue eyes before him, “Jethro, you are what I have wanted all these years, I don’t want to ruin this but its time to I tell you that my feelings for you are more then just friends, all those women I “dated” are not women, I thought when you came to my apartment it would give me away, but being tagged “Metrosexual” was a good cover.” 

Gibbs heart skipped a beat, it could not be so, Gibbs knew the feelings he had for the younger man over the years, the desire he had ignored, he had pushed Tony away for the reasons he had previously stated but he had also pushed Tony away because he could not listen to all the tales of conquest, the serial dating, and most of all because if he let Tony get to close and something happened he could not go on. 

“What about Wendy, Zoe, Jeanne?”

“Wendy, I cared for Wendy but I was trying to suppress the part of me that wanted to be with a man, in the police department it would not have been accepted and I thought if I was married no one would see that part of me. Jeanne, Jeanne was special, I had a freedom to be myself, no frat boy persona and she liked me for who I was or who she thought I was, you were gone and when you came back things between us were different, I felt I couldn’t do anything right, you didn’t trust me, the team was following your lead, Tim and Ziva became more disrespectful and Abby only wanted you back and when you were back, she couldn’t see anyone else but you. It felt good to have someone like Jeanne even if it was all a fantasy. Now Zoe, Zoe is my friend, she knows what I am and we cover for each other, she has a great girlfriend and they have been together for years. I understand if you want me to leave the team, I just don’t want to hide anymore. Dorney taught me that, he lived his life Out, he didn’t hide and that did not make him any less a man, he earned the respect of the Agency, its funny to say but he became my hero.” Tony choked out the last word as tears streamed down his face. 

Feeling himself being pulled into a hug, his head on Gibbs chest, held tight as he finally grieved for his fallen friend. 

After several minutes Gibbs let him go and Tony felt a paper towel pushed into his hand.

Retaking his seat, Gibbs waited for Tony to pull himself together.

When Tony finally glanced at Gibbs, he asked, “So are we OK?”

“It’s a start Tony, it’s a start, think we can start with rebuilding our friendship and we can see where it takes us.” Giving Tony for the first time in years a real smile.

“Yeah, Jethro, I think I can live with that.” Tony smiled back.

Getting up Jethro, opening up the freezer as he looked back at Tony, “How bout you stay for dinner, cowboy steaks?”

“Cowboy steaks would be great,” Tony responded, remembering the many dinners they had shared in the past, sitting together on the sofa, with cowboy steaks and beer.

The afternoon turned into evening as the two men sat side by side, as the walls crumbled they allowed themselves to relax, to let the conversation flow, a friendship renewed with hope for maybe more.

 

The End  
9/26/2015


End file.
